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Coming out

The term "coming out" comes from gay emancipation and means being open about an unchangeable characteristic: who someone is attracted to. In recent years the same term has been adopted for revealing a gender identity. That is a less self-evident parallel than is often suggested: sexual orientation is a well-researched, stable trait, while gender identity is a theoretical concept that rests on self-report and in young people often fluctuates as well.

What is a coming out?

In its original meaning, coming out refers to sharing a sexual orientation with family, friends or a wider environment. For lesbian, gay and bisexual people that is often a significant moment with real social implications. For transgender people "coming out" is a later extension of the concept to announcing a felt gender that differs from their bodily sex.

Reactions from those around

Reactions vary greatly: from direct acceptance to reticence, doubt or rejection. Not every critical or wait-and-see reaction is "transphobia" or "homophobia". A parent who voices concerns about a suddenly announced transition by a teenager often acts from worry, not hatred. The reflex to label any form of doubt as rejection closes off the very conversation that is needed.

Research shows that family support correlates with better well-being. Support is, however, not the same as agreement with every proposed step. A loving parent can fully accept a child as a person and at the same time raise questions about hasty social or medical steps.

Coming out in young people: a new pattern

Over the past ten to fifteen years a striking shift has been visible: a sharp rise in trans identifications particularly among teenage girls, often in groups of friends at the same time, often combined with intensive social media use and other psychological issues such as anxiety, depression, autism spectrum problems or a history of trauma. This pattern has been described under the term Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. A coming out that arises suddenly and as part of a group deserves careful, non-affirmative psychological exploration — not automatic agreement with a transition.

Coming out at school and work

At school and work people are often encouraged to be immediately open about their gender identity, and the school or employer may immediately switch to pronoun and name changes. In minors this is not an innocent step; it should not happen without parents. In adults it is a personal choice, where realistic thinking about working relationships and context is sensible. See also Gender at school and Gender in the workplace.

Support and guidance

Good support around a coming out is not automatically affirmative. A psychologist or family doctor should make room for the underlying questions: where does this feeling come from, how long has it existed, what other psychological factors play a role, and which route fits this person best? An exploratory approach is not "conversion therapy" but simply careful care. See also Psychological support.