Home › Young people › Gender in children

Gender in children

Children are still very much in development. Their self-image, preferences and bodily experience are not fixed but move with the growth of their brain, their social environment and the stages they go through. What is now called "gender identity in children" is therefore not an objectively determinable characteristic, but a snapshot within a long developmental path. With children, caution is not old-fashioned but necessary.

A child is a developing being, not a fixed identity

From about two to three years old, children distinguish between boys and girls. That awareness follows biological reality: virtually every child knows whether it is a boy or a girl, and grows up in an environment that signals this to them in countless ways. The fact that a child shows gender-atypical behaviour — a boy who likes to wear dresses, a girl who is into tree climbing and football — is in most cases not a precursor of a transgender identity, but a normal variation within childhood development.

The idea that a child already has a "real" inner gender identity at a young age that differs from the body is a theoretical assumption without an objective measure. There is no scan, blood test or brain function with which such a thing can be determined. What a child says about it is by definition self-report — filtered through language, social environment and what the child picks up from adults, peers, school and social media.

What research does show: most desist

The longest-running and most cited Dutch study on this comes from Steensma and colleagues (2013). They followed children with gender dysphoria into adolescence. The outcome is consistent with international research: in the majority of children the gender dysphoria disappears during or after puberty — they often develop into homosexual or bisexual young adults who reconcile with their body. Steensma et al. (2013), PubMed.

This phenomenon — known as desistance — has for decades been the starting point for a restrained, observational approach: do not push, do not "affirm", but make space and wait ("watchful waiting"). Only in the past decade has this classical picture come under pressure from the gender-affirmative model, which seeks to affirm the child immediately in their self-declaration. Internationally this affirmative model is now coming under heavy criticism — among others by the Cass Review (2024) in the United Kingdom and by policy revisions in Sweden, Finland, Norway and Denmark.

Social transition in young children is not a neutral step

Some parents and care providers propose meeting a child who says they are "really" the other sex straight away with a new name, different pronouns and different clothing. This is often presented as a safe, reversible step. The Cass Review explicitly points out that social transition in young children is not a neutral act: it is an active psychosocial intervention that can influence a child's developmental path and likely increases the chance of persistent dysphoria.

For young children this risk is particularly relevant: in them identity is not yet crystallised, and affirmation by adults and the environment is strongly directive. See further Social transition in children.

What parents and those around can do themselves

It is tempting for parents either to affirm everything immediately ("otherwise the child will be unhappy") or to reject everything outright. Both reactions are premature. A child needs adults who listen, give space, do not steer — but also do not go along with every statement. Persistent problems, loneliness, autism, trauma, social isolation or intensive media use deserve attention in their own right, not a gender diagnosis as an explanation for everything that is difficult. See also Role of parents.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same

A child who shows gender-atypical behaviour more often than average develops into a homosexual or bisexual young adult without gender dysphoria. It is therefore important not to confuse the two: a sensitive boy or a sporty girl is not a "trans child in the making". The history of gay emancipation warns against too quickly medicalising what is in reality a variation in expression or a later sexual orientation.